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this is how i feel today..

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[03 Jul 2005|05:02pm]

[ mood | creative ]

hi is anyone every going to repost on this journal or not lol. Well I am just telling you guys hi and that i hope everthing with you are going fine and well and that we need to weak up this journal lol.

tell me you understand

Contest #1 [19 Sep 2004|06:24pm]

[ mood | bitchy ]

I don't know how to use a live cut so I am just going to write it here sorry

You don't know me
I am not the person you want
I am not the one that you need
I am just here to let you feel better to let you feel need
I have no mom but yet you say that you are my mom
what is am mom
I don't need one nor want one
I can never see what a mom is nor know who or what a mom is at all
I can never know what a mom is but I know that I well never treak a person like you do.
You act like everthing is ok but we both know that nothing is ok that nothing can be ok
You know that I go to my room and cut cuz of the words you tell me I think that you like knowing that your words make me want to cut and that you don't know how to not say them or do you and you don't want to stop makeing my feel pain cuz you have felt so much pain when you where I kid anf oyu take it out on my is that about this is cuz you hate me or do you just want me to feel like this

tell me you understand

face with no face [13 Sep 2004|04:27pm]

[ mood | sad ]

you wont leave you sit there and say nothing but words that hurt you are not my friend why do you still hunt me, you never leave you just sit there and tell me that I am no good and that I suck, I want you to leave but I can't let you leave with out you who would I be just this girl that is lost and cunfuse in this world that people love, I can't get you out of my head and you won't leave. I want you gone can't you see that I have no need for you at all and that there is nothig for you anymore that you are just in the past and that is where you are going to stay at and never caming back if I can help it nothing more then a face wih out a face nothing more then something that I made up so why can't I unmake you why can't I let you go and just move on cuz with out you I would be the face with no face

tell me you understand

[13 Sep 2004|03:30pm]

[ mood | busy ]

I am siting here with my only friend
the one that hurts me
the one that I can hurt my self with
the one that makes me bleed
the one that lets me know that I am alive
the one that it all ways there
no mater what I do
the one that I can turn to and go to
my knife the only thing that I really know what it dose to me.

tell me you understand

[12 Sep 2004|07:10pm]

[ mood | depressed ]

I am just going to write down what I feel it maybe a peom or who knows

I am not what you want nor do you want me
I can't look the way you want me to look
I am not you I am me
I can't be something that I am not
I am not the reason why you fight with dad
I am not the one who saids that they want to die
I am not that little girl who dose not know what is going on
I am a teenage I have know what haves be going on with you
I am the one that trieds to make things work
You are the one that makes me feel the way I do

I thought that you where I mother
but would a mother sit there and talk about her childen
talk about the way she looks the things she dose and dose not do
dose a mother treak you like a stourger or let they love you
dose a mother tell you that you are something that she wishes never stayed alive
dose a mom tell you that you are the reason that she fights with the man "she so calles loves"
the one that saids that life would be better if you where gone
in my eyes your are no mother but I person that needs to find them self and grow up
sorry if that saids like whinning and everthing I just write down what I was feeling hope you like

tell me you understand

a few poems.. [12 Sep 2004|12:26pm]
[ mood | blah ]

and im dying inside
but my smile covers it well
and i laugh at your jokes
though i just want to cry
and these mysterious marks
they make you stare
but ask me why?
you wouldnt dare.

**this one isnt really a complete poem, just words that sorta flowed out of my head and i quickly wrote down. some lines may have come from other sources, so if they did just let me know.

My sorrows were washed away with the rain,
But indifference is harder to deal with than pain.
Try as I might to search for emotion,
I found none insde which would cause a comotion.
So when I did feel my body go numb,
I turned to a friend who could make my pain blossum.
Dressed up in silver, he gave me a kiss,
And what I felt next was an ultimate bliss.
The sting of his lips made my body cry,
These crimson tears of mine, they're what keep me alive.

As I lie awake at night,
Letting my mind wander
And I try so hard to fight
this urge that I desire
Thoughts go running through my head
I just want them to stop
I think I know the remedy
Let's give this thing a shot
I reach under my mattress
Pull out my addiction
With one quick stroke I have begun
To paint myself a picture
I'll hide my art from everyone
Although I'm sure they'll see
And if they ask who did it
I'll say it wasn't me
You see, my lovely creation
It's something that I love
But I'm sure no one will feel the same
Since my medium is blood.

2 lied to me|tell me you understand

Hey All. [12 Sep 2004|03:24pm]

[ mood | blah ]

Hey Everyone. I'm new here - this is a great idea for a community by the way! Anyway heres a poem I wrote. Hope you like it!

Smile Again.

As time ticks by, and days flow past,
I wonder how much longer I can last.

Can I make it through this pain?
And come out with a smile again?

Or will I just escape this life,
And end my misery with this knife?

Cuts and burns take over my arm,
And I wish I could stop doing harm.

But the pain inside keeps growing worse,
I often wonder Is this all a curse?

Or is it all just meant to be,
A pain filled ride through life for me??

2 lied to me|tell me you understand

Paper Hearts [11 Sep 2004|07:48pm]

I saved you
from suffering,
transfered your
pain unto me.

Hear my fluttering
heart's cry
of love.

(Don't let me break.)

I gave
and gave
yet never

Memories cut in half,
No more.
You can never be forgotten.

No longer I
feel for you.

Stop whispering
posionous words
unto my brain.

(You are so hollow.)

Leave me broken.
I want to feel again,
The hurt of another,
No longer yours.

Give unto me
the life you
ripped apart,
just like a
paper heart.
tell me you understand

Beauty and the Beast [11 Sep 2004|07:48pm]

Designer makeup,
painted over hollowed cheeks.
Imperfections hidden,
sculpted away.

Beauty and treason,
washed away with soap.
Revealing bare, ugly flesh
only seen in sleep.
Sin washed away,
like water
down a drain.

Skin thrown down the sink,
taken off,
only to be put on again tomorrow.
tell me you understand

The Actress and the Blade [11 Sep 2004|07:47pm]

The mask is worn,
painted with glitter
and gold,
and happy memories
of forgotten days.

Acting again,
the mask is smiling
when really she crys,
dead with neglect
and a shattered soul.
6 lied to me|tell me you understand

The Jester [11 Sep 2004|07:46pm]

I don't like
These masks we wear,
How we fall
Into their ugly stares.
We will smile for them,
We will die for them.
With razor in hand,
We make our stand,
Carving fake smiles
into bloodied lips.
tell me you understand

I Bleed [11 Sep 2004|07:46pm]

I bleed because I loved you,
I bleed because I care,
I bleed because you hate me,
With every painful stare.
(You saw right through me.)

You never saw the puddles,
Of blood on the floor.
You never saw the swollen scars,
As you walked out of the door.
(I fought for you.)

I bleed (once) for
All the times I fought (with you.)
I bleed (twice) for
All the times I cried (for you, over you.)
I bleed (thrice) for
All the times I bled (because of you.)
And now I die for you.
(Because of you.)
tell me you understand

Breathe [11 Sep 2004|07:45pm]

Hollowed breaths echo in an empty chest,
Where you left a heart,
(You never gave me a second glance)

Now heartless,
Breathing becomes impossible,
As wrists leak bloody tears,
In streams of
Forgotten memories.
(This new heart is cold)
tell me you understand

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